Where is Cameron
What if spirit is like a milkshake for the soul..........One can only wonder, as I often do.
I would like to make an apology for such a lengthy delay in updates. Cameron returned home for the holidays and is now at the Sacred Heart Memorial Hospital in Spokane Washington under the care of Dr. Gary Obermiller.
Previously here in California the medical staff had begun to treat his case as terminal and were no longer working to save his life. The care in Spokane has been impressive and Cameron will stay in Spokane longer in order to fight a blood infection and rise to a safer level of recovery. He then intends to return home to Ventura and continue his work at the corporate center for the Continentals.
I am no judge of correctness or rightness as I am aware of my ways, beliefs and how they do not comply with the beliefs of the church I was raised in, nor with my own morals and standards on some occasions. I do however, accept the teachings of my youth as a foundation of my being. So contradicting my current rational analysis and through what religious knowledge I retain, I will speak more freely on a subject that is sensitive in nature to all mankind and that continues to persist as a divider in our world today. The subject is god and man of course, and the people's general objection to differing perceptions of truth and the trail of death it leaves. This injustice is based on ignorance and selfish desire for power through manipulation of the people's willingness to follow without question.
There are times in all of this when I expend all my energy and effort into daily challenges and begin to slow down as I lose belief in my perceived purpose of it all. For some reason it takes an exponential effort to complete the easiest of tasks when they are related to this pervading and overall will that I feel. Then, something extraordinary will occur that will begin to revive my spirit. Again, I risk displaying my ignorance through philosophical expression, but the truth is, that someday my life here will end, and so then, I will at least express what I feel as honestly as I can and with enough clarity for others to see what I think I see.
I do feel it hard to understand what is going on here and how it appears to be something larger than Cameron himself or any one of us as individuals. Numerous things have happened to me that are personal in nature so they may not hit you has squarely as they hit me, but all of them together show me that something has been calling out for me, and also that angelic supporters may have been sent my way. Prior to now I had lacked the will to write this blog here and then after receiving an email, I found that its message touched my soul. In summary the message was that.......It's okay to question god, and your beliefs, otherwise you become just a follower living in fear and doubt for what you may otherwise feel commanded to believe. It is through our struggles with god, questioning beliefs and searching for truth that we develop a deeper more personal relationship with god. This and more in the message filled me with strength and gave me a little hope.
I know that in early 2006 I saw my brother tiring and becoming weaker, and that as it continued I looked sadly down upon him for what could be perceived as a failure or a lacking in the will of god. Instead of aiding and protecting him from increasing forces that weighed him down mentally, my inaction enabled an even more increasing force to progress in his life. Now that I can see this, I lean on hope and attempt to cease a pattern that does not resemble salvation but instead objects to its existence. I can call attention to this force and possibly stop a cycle of untruth that if not stopped; will continue to reduce the entire family of god, into a residue of torn hearts resting in a pool of fading memories.
Those who are now with Cameron must feel what I have felt when he was in California and even stronger now. And now that I see a bit of truth in it all, I do not want to unknowingly fuel a travesty that will eventually consume Cameron, march forward, and then consume my own life. Mentors of mine and leaders from my youth are those I remember as strong and yet now they are weakened, fearful, and hurting. I never really expected this and it has become unsettling to me, then my mind began spinning to determine a solution that seemed to be non existent or too complex for my understanding. After much thought I feel like a solution was revealed to me, the solution is so simple in nature that I can only smile, since even I remember those sermons on sunday that would sometimes seems so redundant. And what would we hear again and again, "call its name and it has to flee". So I decide that I will help a brother who is weakening and find the name of this thing that afflicts his mind. The details of how I am not sure of, I can only state what I see in this case. Either way, instead of boasting about my perfection while exposing my brother's imperfection I choose to expose the presence of a growing force going against him and help to free him from this fight with guidance and through expression of the truth personal in nature, that I believe I have come to know and understand.
Yes, it could be said that my words should not be taken and that they come from an ungodly source, but I ask this of you, to question yourself on the following. I can assure you there is a force desiring to keep me from assisting with Cameron, that tells me that life really means nothing, that I should give up, and that i have no real purposeful function in life, that Cameron and I don't have the best of sibling relationships so I should abandon any thought. Then there is another force here and, I can assure you that it is, my soul that is crying out here in an attempt to save what I have tried to dismantel, disect, understand, and rationalize all my life. It is now that I can see what I have fought to get away from and so stubbornly turned my back on, is something that I need, and that if I don't have that, I have nothing ............It is my soul attempting to accomplish something that I have noticed to be an issue greater than any ailment of a body's physical member, but to save the only part of the human body that I cannot logically explain or understand, and to save what is more precious than human life.
A living soul.
I would like to make an apology for such a lengthy delay in updates. Cameron returned home for the holidays and is now at the Sacred Heart Memorial Hospital in Spokane Washington under the care of Dr. Gary Obermiller.
Previously here in California the medical staff had begun to treat his case as terminal and were no longer working to save his life. The care in Spokane has been impressive and Cameron will stay in Spokane longer in order to fight a blood infection and rise to a safer level of recovery. He then intends to return home to Ventura and continue his work at the corporate center for the Continentals.
I am no judge of correctness or rightness as I am aware of my ways, beliefs and how they do not comply with the beliefs of the church I was raised in, nor with my own morals and standards on some occasions. I do however, accept the teachings of my youth as a foundation of my being. So contradicting my current rational analysis and through what religious knowledge I retain, I will speak more freely on a subject that is sensitive in nature to all mankind and that continues to persist as a divider in our world today. The subject is god and man of course, and the people's general objection to differing perceptions of truth and the trail of death it leaves. This injustice is based on ignorance and selfish desire for power through manipulation of the people's willingness to follow without question.
There are times in all of this when I expend all my energy and effort into daily challenges and begin to slow down as I lose belief in my perceived purpose of it all. For some reason it takes an exponential effort to complete the easiest of tasks when they are related to this pervading and overall will that I feel. Then, something extraordinary will occur that will begin to revive my spirit. Again, I risk displaying my ignorance through philosophical expression, but the truth is, that someday my life here will end, and so then, I will at least express what I feel as honestly as I can and with enough clarity for others to see what I think I see.
I do feel it hard to understand what is going on here and how it appears to be something larger than Cameron himself or any one of us as individuals. Numerous things have happened to me that are personal in nature so they may not hit you has squarely as they hit me, but all of them together show me that something has been calling out for me, and also that angelic supporters may have been sent my way. Prior to now I had lacked the will to write this blog here and then after receiving an email, I found that its message touched my soul. In summary the message was that.......It's okay to question god, and your beliefs, otherwise you become just a follower living in fear and doubt for what you may otherwise feel commanded to believe. It is through our struggles with god, questioning beliefs and searching for truth that we develop a deeper more personal relationship with god. This and more in the message filled me with strength and gave me a little hope.
I know that in early 2006 I saw my brother tiring and becoming weaker, and that as it continued I looked sadly down upon him for what could be perceived as a failure or a lacking in the will of god. Instead of aiding and protecting him from increasing forces that weighed him down mentally, my inaction enabled an even more increasing force to progress in his life. Now that I can see this, I lean on hope and attempt to cease a pattern that does not resemble salvation but instead objects to its existence. I can call attention to this force and possibly stop a cycle of untruth that if not stopped; will continue to reduce the entire family of god, into a residue of torn hearts resting in a pool of fading memories.
Those who are now with Cameron must feel what I have felt when he was in California and even stronger now. And now that I see a bit of truth in it all, I do not want to unknowingly fuel a travesty that will eventually consume Cameron, march forward, and then consume my own life. Mentors of mine and leaders from my youth are those I remember as strong and yet now they are weakened, fearful, and hurting. I never really expected this and it has become unsettling to me, then my mind began spinning to determine a solution that seemed to be non existent or too complex for my understanding. After much thought I feel like a solution was revealed to me, the solution is so simple in nature that I can only smile, since even I remember those sermons on sunday that would sometimes seems so redundant. And what would we hear again and again, "call its name and it has to flee". So I decide that I will help a brother who is weakening and find the name of this thing that afflicts his mind. The details of how I am not sure of, I can only state what I see in this case. Either way, instead of boasting about my perfection while exposing my brother's imperfection I choose to expose the presence of a growing force going against him and help to free him from this fight with guidance and through expression of the truth personal in nature, that I believe I have come to know and understand.
Yes, it could be said that my words should not be taken and that they come from an ungodly source, but I ask this of you, to question yourself on the following. I can assure you there is a force desiring to keep me from assisting with Cameron, that tells me that life really means nothing, that I should give up, and that i have no real purposeful function in life, that Cameron and I don't have the best of sibling relationships so I should abandon any thought. Then there is another force here and, I can assure you that it is, my soul that is crying out here in an attempt to save what I have tried to dismantel, disect, understand, and rationalize all my life. It is now that I can see what I have fought to get away from and so stubbornly turned my back on, is something that I need, and that if I don't have that, I have nothing ............It is my soul attempting to accomplish something that I have noticed to be an issue greater than any ailment of a body's physical member, but to save the only part of the human body that I cannot logically explain or understand, and to save what is more precious than human life.
A living soul.
posted by Cameron at 12:09 PM
2 Comments:
1 Peter 5:8-11 You MUST keep scripture in front of you at all times. It is what got me through. It is easy to loose faith and hope. It wouldn't be a war other wise. Fight the fight with what God has given you. CHOOSE to believe it; say that out loud if you have too...EVEN if you don't feel like you do. Refuse to put faith in what the hopelessness says.
Even Jesus asked God questions, but He never gave up on Him. David also asked God where He went, but his faith (his sometimes shear choosing to have faith) didn't leave. God came through. I know its been a long fight. Now, is the time that is most important to keep going. Write these verses down in small "post-it" notes and keep them in front of you (frig, mirror, etc) If you need help finding more scripture to keep in front of you let me know. I will help. Don't give up.
Hebrews 2:14-18
James 4:6-7
ISAIAH 53:4-5
I know what you are going through right now. A few years ago I lost the one thing that I prayed to God for was a baby sister. I prayed and prayed for a sister and God gave me one! However, she only survived for 2 days and my brother and I never even got the opportunity to see her until her funeral.
I hope you truely consider the words of whoever wrote before me. God and his word is what got me through and is getting me through this difficult time with Cameron. Sometimes we don't understand why God does the things that he does. But let me encourage you by saying this, Cameron has touched more lives than you could EVER begin to imagine! And I can see how much he has touched yours! I know you have such a great love for him and I am so thankful for you... that you are able to communicate to all of us your feelings and share your support and love of him and what is occuring.
Before all of this, Cameron changed my life in unnumerable amounts of ways that I can't even begin to discribe! I don't even think I fully understand how much he did and is still doing to this day, and how! You can just see and feel God's presence in him when you look into his eyes.
The last time I saw him I introduced a friend who knew nothing about him. She was unusually shy around him and when we left I asked her what was up and she said, "I don't know what it is, but there is something so special about that man that I was just in shock!" Cameron is special and although we may not know why he is going through all of this, we have to have the faith that God is in control and although we may not like his answer sometimes we have to know that in the end it's for the best of his plan! He knows what he's doing! One thing that I have learned since knowing Cameron is that God is uding him as a tool to change lives that don't even know him just like he has changed mine! I know right now Cameron is a tool that God is strongly using!
Cameron is like another father figure to me. I can't imagine life without him, but I know that God is taking care of him, watching over him, and God loves him and is using him for bigger plans that we can't even begin to imagine! Hang in there! Pray and stick to God's words! It's ok to have the feelings that you have! We are supposed to! But it is that strength and faith that will get Cameron, you, and all of us through this! We're here for you, Cameron, and all of your family! Take care and God Bless!
Post a Comment
<< Home